The Relationship Dance

I just cannot seem to do it....you know, juggle a professional life, with a personal life. For, me it is like riding a unicycle; you are going along fine, forgetting that you are balancing, moving forward....then you stop, question, and lose you balance and fall. The question of "how" am I doing this is what stops you. I am a better doer than a talker, although, I don have the gift of gab. I would rather do than talk. I can teach and train, but just getting it done is more rewarding. This is the only part of the "AA" experience that I idenitify with....keeping your own side of the street clean; do the work in front of you. Funny, because I am a very good manager and can be quite controlling.....however, those skills have been my downfall in personal relationships. One cannot apply those controlling behaviors to their personal and romantic relationships......that is what kills them.

I do not like the feeling of being the constant butt of a joke at all. Ah, the bain of the reality television era....where everything is comedy. I am very much interested in making my life real and present, I just do not seem to be able to do it. I hate that feeling of, "when or what is the punch line?" My life is not a joke, nor is anyone Else's. Comedy is definitely one way to deal with life's ups and downs, just now 24/7. I will go to great lengths to avoid this.

I am in a gay midlife crisis because I realize that I am awesome at taking care of myself in my career or in my personal goals. However, when it comes to personal or romantic relationships.....I just cannot seem to make it work, or even know where or how to start. It is too easy to say what I am going to say.....I have absolutely no skills in this area or real role models.....the real answer, I have never show up long enough to create one in a relationship. Thus, I revert to my old gay standby....we are all such consummate actors.....members of the gay community......we are the ultimate chameleons.....just morf into who you think they want....am I in career mode now, am I in gay mode now. Shoot, I wish I had had this epiphany at age 20, I may have had a career in acting. Who am I today, what is the scene?

When Codependent People Screw Things Up

Is it really help when you have never asked for it, or is it simply harassment. Futhermore, if it is not genuinely given, is it really in your best interest. Or is it simply a method of controlling an outcome for a specific situation?